Dec 31, 2008

Here comes 2009

2008 has been a rough year for many of us. For Mark and I we endured the loss of a baby, me losing my job, downsizing at his job, new jobs for both of us, doctors who are a$$holes and that's the bad stuff. The good stuff was we went to Bahamas, got married on the beach, made the decision to go to India for our surrogacy option, started reno'ing our basement and have made some great surrogacy friends, especially Nicolle (the lawyer). So, it was a horribly unbalanced year for us. The bad emotionally outweighed the good and time is so slow at healing our wounds. Tonight at midnight this horrible year ends and we can look back at decisions and look forward to excitement and the possibility that finally we may have a baby or babies next year at Christmas. What a thought..its a little all consuming for me. Mark bought a HD Video Cam last week so we can start to make a video diary. Hopefully our child(ren) will see how much we wanted them and how we went half way around the world to bring them into our world. Plus, maybe our kids can help pay off the cost later on as this is far from a cheap adventure. Happy New Year!!!

Dec 28, 2008

Its done, thank God!!!

Christmas is finally over...all the artificial joviality and bs that comes with it is finally finished! Call me Scrooge, but this year was hard to swallow. So, what to look forward to is our appointment with the new Doctor at the end of January and then hopefully start booking flights to Mumbai! Come on 2009!!!!

Dec 19, 2008

Its close to Christmas and I hate it. This Christmas was supposed to be with our baby and all that fun jazz that comes with being new parents. Sadly, its just us and the same ole same ole. I am trying to embrace some joy and its not easy. My b-day just passed and has reminded me that I am older and time is ticking furiously fast. And at the same time, time ticks so slowly as we wait to meet our new doctor and get our trip to India rolling. 2008 cannot end fast enough for me. Today I have a holiday lunch at work with all the other management at work...blah is all I say!!!!

Dec 13, 2008

Counting the days

Other blogs have count down tickers and I unfortunately am not smart enough to put one up..well I have tried and failed (story of my life). So, no ticker to follow but a date to count down to. January 26th at 1pm. New doc with new hopes. This year has been a tough one, first losing another baby, second losing my job and third taking on a new job which is slowly killing my sole. As my b-day approaches I wish to hide away and forget this past year. I am hestitant to look forward to 2009 and can't wait for 2008 to END.

Dec 1, 2008

Back on track. I think

Yesterday we received some good news from Nicolle (yes, imagine good news from a lawyer) Nicolle contacted a doctor and he is willing to monitor us through our cycle stating in Canada!!! YAHOOOOO!!! We are thrilled, and to boot, he is way closer to home. So, now we just have to wait for our files to be transferred and then set up an appointment and get ready for all the needles.

Nov 27, 2008

Devastation in Mumbai

The latest news of terrorism out of Mumbai is shaking the world, especially the surrocagy India world which I am entrenched in. Have heard from Doctor Sudhir this morning and he has assured me that he and all the SI people are fine, as well all the beautiful surrogates. Thanks goodness. This news became very personal to Mark and I as we sit glued to the TV in utter shock of the circumstance. Our friends who travel soon, Amani and Rick, jaxusa,chicagorealtor, Joy and anyone else I may have missed...take good care! I am sure now security will be at its highest.

Nov 21, 2008

Road Block!

It is so frustrating that someone who can help you decides not too. Today I question everything and wonder why things have to be such a struggle.

Nov 18, 2008

Saw the Doctor!

Finally the long awaited appointment came. Dr L, to my surprise was not shocked by my request for support to do surrogacy. My biggest fear was that he would say "Surrogacy?? Get the hell outta here". So, happily this did not happen. He feels that this is a great option for us and we should have good success based on my medical situation and the pros and cons of low papp-a etc. So this is great, BUT he is not comfortable with satellite monitoring for many reasons and I can appreciate this. We talked about options and he said if I was his wife he would want me to do all the cycling in India. This is a dilemma...3-4 weeks off of work and in this do-able? I don't know. He speaks from his own experience and is a very knowlegable IVF doc. He also wants to speak with his business partner about their comfor levels etc... and possibly come up with a plan B for us - with the sole concern of cycling and getting to India. He needs to talk and think about it and promised to get back to me in the next few days. I respect him and everything he told me. He did make good sense just was a bit off the path I had hoped for. So, I will wait and see what he comes up with. He is happy to support us with getting into the SI program and will write the necessary letter to Dr S and Dr Yash to get us enrolled. This is great and I am very appreciative of it. So here I sit with more mixed thoughts and wondering what the next steps will be. We are that much closer...just a few more big steps to India!

Nov 15, 2008

So many emotions and thoughts.

Being part of the surrogacy support group is so great. Sometimes its hard tho'. We all want the same thing and the ups and downs, good news bad news is a daily struggle for everyone. I think that we can take strength from our positive friends and help our friends in need. The experience alone of going to Mumbai is life changing and momentous. The tales from these trips are of courage and heartache. I guess I am rambling, just feeling vulnerable today and know that someone out there is feeling exactly the same as me. I think reading a friends blog today has made me feel so sympathetic for her and her struggles and it reminds me to take off my rose coloured glasses once and a while. Maybe I am just anxious about seeing the doctor on Monday - hoping he gets it and supports us. We are in a different predicament then others we have connected with yet its all the same when its said and done. We just want a family Ok, my dear friend R from Canada/USA take good care of yourself. I am feeling for you and want only the best for you and hubby.

Nov 11, 2008

Countdown....... 7,6,5,4,3....

So FINALLY I will see my doctor here. My appointment is on Monday the 17th! Woo hoo!@!!! Been a very long wait to see him. We are just praying that he will support us in our path to India. If he isn't feeling it we will move on to another doc and another til we get support. I hate the thought of trying to find docs and all that but we are not giving up on this last hope!

Nov 6, 2008

Sad news..

So I am feeling sad today. The wonderful Dr in India has lost his own child today. I am not sure what happened, but I am very sad for his loss. The baby was 10 months old and it just breaks my heart. The fact that this man dedicates his life to helping others have children and now suffers such a tremendous loss himself - its a tragedy. Puts me back into perspective tho'. Over the last few days I have been feeling anxious about our many what ifs that my mind is boggled. And now, right now, I feel that I am fortunate to even have this opportunity and if it takes six more months to get rolling than so be it. My thoughts are with you Dr. S

Oct 30, 2008

Network Night Success

We went to the first Network night hosted by Nicolle. Nicolle was so gracious and had lots of yummy eats. The other couples were not up to speed on India surrogacy so we were able to share some basic info. Nicolle spent time on the Canadian law and she detailed her history and experiences with surrogcay, and I felt her very raw emotion come through. Not going into details, I can tell you that Nicolle has been in a situation that I would not want to be in, and she has come through it in a strong way and is now taking her learning and emotions and putting them into an altruistic movement. Good on ya Nicolle!!! I hope the network nights grow in people and topics as I think there is great possibilty to learn alot. My bestest naturopath has said that he will come to be a guset speaker (he's such a great guy). That will be a fun night when he speaks! For Mark and I we continue to wait. Dr L is seeing me on Nov 17th -seems like an eternity away.

Oct 26, 2008

78 cents, yikes!

Have you watched the Canadian dollar dive recently?? So, I have done the math and our bill to India at 78 cents to the dollar is $24,894.674 CDN. 85 cents it would be $22425. , so lets hope the dollar makes and upward gain! Tuesday night brings the first surrogacy network night at Nicolle's office. We are looking forward to it and hope a few people show up and support Nicolle, us and themselves. I think we are very fortunate to have Nicolle on hand, not only for legal advice but for friendship and someone to take a stronghold on the issues and make some strides. The surrogacy support forum is strong and active and full of good news and unfortunately some heartbreaking news. I try to take each announcement in stride knowing that in the near future Mark and I will be enduring the emotional roller coaster of emails and calls from India (hopefully all positive, but realistically who can predict)

Oct 20, 2008

We have good friends!

So many of our friends are supportive and sending us occasional well wishes notes. These people mean the world to us and we wouldn't change them for nuttin! Its so nice that the whole "why don't you adopt" question has not been thrown in our face. I feel my blood boil when I hear this - I know people speak in ignorance but man alive...they should look into adopting then find out the long truth to it! Anywho, home for lunch and feeling great about our friends. Hugs to you all!

Oct 18, 2008

Days are long...

Due diligence takes time and patience. Planning the trip to India is a long process. I've started a new job so I need to plan around TRYING to get a week off. Secondly, my repo doc is not available til November. SO, things are slow and we are filling time working on the basement, reading the support forum and oh on my shoulder. Some how I managed to tear the tendons out of my rotator cuff and now spend my days in pain and going to physio. The shoulder will heal and is a distraction from the long wait to India (always put a positive twist right??)
Later this month we are going to a surrogacy network evening with Nicolle (the lawyer), then November the doc, then tests test tests and Mark too...hope his boys can swim to excellence! Then December should brings surrogate profiles and decision numero uno! Then Xmas then drugs and injections then India! sounds simple enough!

Sep 30, 2008


We met up with Nicolle and what a great visit. First of all, she is a kind and passionate woman, with a great SA accent. What lawyer offers cookies and candies when you meet them!!! She's just great and we are so happy to have connected with her. I am so overwhelmed with details and felt my brain spinning while we sat with her. Mark was quiet and observant and I rambled my thoughts out in random fashion which somehow seemed to work with Nicolle. So, this step puts a sigh of releif into our India quest. We now understand Canadian vs India law ( some degree) and mostly how it affects us with this topic. It was also great to hear Nicolles take on India...its what we expected to hear and look forward to the sounds, smells, and people when we finally arrive. Our Aussie friend met through a forum recently chose their surrogate and as I read her blog on the grooling task, I now dread the process and how we will react to a email catalogue of sorts of women willing to help us create a family. One step at a time ...can't get ahead of myself. My Naturopath is thrilled for us and would like to come to India with us! imagine Dr S, Mark and I all trolloping around Mumbai with a bloated belly full of follicles and Mark anticipating his "show time". What a mess!

Sep 23, 2008

Tomorrow is...

Well, tomorrow is an antcipated meeting with Nicolle the lawyer, also a surrogacy advocate. We are so excited to meet her and get some questions answered and also hear about her recent trip to India.
Today I was able to get in with my dr November (ugh). I am learning to be patient and take things one tiny step at a time. Thru a support forum and links to other blogs we are learning alot about the struggles of others and the visits to India...our soon to be blessed home away from home. Until next time...

Sep 16, 2008

Another day another dollar

Well, we have both recently started new jobs with some better pay and both of the new jobs are not exactly what we are used to or like. money money is what we are focused on to make things happen. So, another day another dollar!

Aug 29, 2008

The Journey Begins...

Well, our friends and family know our struggles and how desperately we want a family. After the heartbreak and failed attempts we are on to a new journey. This new journey is exciting and scary all in one! What is this journey....well....we are looking at! I know it sounds almost crazy but its a great option for us and we are investigating the process and legal requirements. We have been fortunate to find an agency in India that is very highly recommended and also have made contact with a wonderful lawyer. So, on the checklist of 2,180 items, we can tick off three. Baby steps for sure, but steps in the right direction. This decision is all consuming...we think about it all day, we talk about it alot and we jot down our thoughts and questions. We have told some family and dear friends and are fortunate that the responses have been enthusiastic and supportive. We have so many things to sort through and know that the process will take time. Through an online support forum we are reading of others successes and losses and the heartfelt reality of this decision. The forum is an international family full of well wishes and wonderful information. Considering its not everyday you have to make these kinds of decisions, we are so happy to have found the forum and the agency in India, and of course the contact made with the most compassionate lawyer ever. So, if your interested in our journey, check back here for updates. Until next time.......