Aug 8, 2009

One saying that I hate

"I guess it wasn't meant to be"

If I hear this one more time I will kill, literally kill. Wasn't meant to be cost us a crap load of money. Wasn't meant to be caused a mini emotional break down. Wasn't meant to be shattered us and made us find a new strength somewhere, some how. What happened to us was a one in a million shot! Who can put odds on it then write it off as wasn't meant to be! Who gets to decide this? How do people think it is ok to snuff this off as not meant to be? This saying was said to me yesterday after a long visit with Dr M. Said to me by one of the front desk staff at an infertility clinic! I lost my top for a second but sanity kicked in and I left the office in a good place.
So, I know some of you wonder what is next for us. The quick story is that one couple we know who are expecting in India sent us a note after hearing our tragedy and made us a magnanimous offer worth thousands. This couple had 30k worth of ivf drugs in India and offered them to us to help us get through the next stage with some financial ease. What a gift! Not only have they offered us friendship throughout our journey they have now given us the ability to try again! As well, the wonderful doctors at SI and Dr Pai at Lilavati Hospital all made things so much easier for us to try again. The spirit of all these people and the gifts of friendship cannot be put into words. I am not able to communicate the plenteous heartfelt bonds that we feel with these people. To try again has become easy. To think of trying again feels less daunting knowing that the generosity of people came together to help us. In our worst time we had shoulders to lean on and we are forever grateful. Kudos also go to our RE Dr M here in Toronto who had nothing but sadness for us and what has happened. He was genuine and reached out to figure out what could have gone wrong. We spent some time with one of the lab people and had a discussion about the caps coming off. All said, it was a fluke, an unexplained tragedy, a disaster of huge proportion etc... you get the point. We spoke of our next step and Dr M supports us fully. What a relief! He is an amazingly compassionate doctor who seriously wants us to have a baby! Not many doctors would support what Canadian medicine would consider a half baked plan to fly to India for egg retrieval, yet Dr M is on board! Despite what has happened to us we are not defeated and if all goes well will have our retrieval in India in 6.5 weeks. We are blessed to have Dr M in our lives. So, maybe it IS meant to be.


  1. YES! YES! YESSS!!!!! I am SUPER excited and what a blessing, I want to personally thank that couple who generously gave you those meds....Angels are everywhere Kerrie, we just have to watch and wait.

    And dont even LISTEN to those people who talk shit and say "it wasnt meant to happen" they dont know shit!! we had a friggin negative...but we are gonna try again...what would they say...BS...

    I AM SUPER EXCITED FOR U and MARK.....WOOHOO...u go girl!!!

  2. Kerrie and Mark,
    We know you are MEANT TO BE a family. You'll be great parents by this time next year. In the meantime, we are busy exploring the neighborhood near the VITS, and are saving up good tips for eating and groceries nearby. Can't believe you'll be back here in just 6 weeks!

    It will happen for you guys, and it will be a movie-star baby!
    XXX, Stephanie

  3. That's amazing news! I have to agree...angels are everywhere. I've been thinking about you and am SO excited after reading your recent post. That's will happen....hope to see you soon....
    Rebecca D

  4. It WAS meant to be. I am amazed at how quickly you've be able to put new plans into action. You suffered a very cruel blow. Looking forward to your positive!

  5. Kerrie and Mark,
    You are meant to be parents--absolutely. I always tell the people who feel the need to talk about "what's meant to be" that even if a situations WAS "meant," how does that make it any easier to deal with the disappointment? People need to think about things for five seconds before making such insensitive comments, trying to sweep things under the rug.

    I am so heart-glad that you will be able to try again so quickly and that someone was able to be so generous to you.

    I cannot wait for the day that my mom, Shawn, and I are driving up to Canada to meet your baby. While that will never wipe away all the sadness and frustration of this time, I am so anxious to share in your joy then.

  6. Oh - that's really great news. I am so glad that you are able to give it another shot. I am not big on that saying either.

  7. Fantastic, Kerrie. You are a strong lady and I knew this setback wouldn't keep you down for long. There's no way you'll stop till you have a child...and hopefully the next attenpt will be the last attempt you'll have to make.

    I'm gunning for you, honey. GO GO GO!!!

  8. Kerrie, I am so, so pleased that you'll be able to continue your journey in just 6 short weeks.

    Anita xoxo

  9. So happy to hear the plans are coming together again, and so sad that I'm going to miss you again. Nik had such fun hanging out with you last week. And I agree angels ARE everywhere, and you guys are definitely two of them. Thank you SO MUCH for the gift for H&D. They're going to love them as much as I do!!


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  11. Can't wait to see your post..."WE ARE PREGNANT!" It will happen very, very soon. Poohy, looks like we will miss you in Mumbai by just a few days, but know you will be in the BEST of hands!!!

  12. Kerrie & Mark,
    I am thinking of you & praying that this time will be THE time! I think everyone who is on your blog is strong and courageous, as we've all suffered heart-wrenching sadness & disappointment, but prevailed!...And you will prevail, too!!! Don't be afraid to grieve - you have had a HUGE loss that will always bear a scar...but good for you for rallying back & never losing sight of your goal!
    Praying that you will be parents in 2010!!!


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