Mar 29, 2010

Mar 23, 2010

7 days down

We are 7 days into our TWW. We had hoped to have a second transfer of blastocysts but these embryos did not make it. Deja vu - two embryos were transferred. We are hoping that two is our magic number this time. It is funny how the first transfer has you hoping for a positive and the second go around has you numb. We are not feeling lucky, we are not feeling jinxed. We are not feeling much. It is odd to not really feel much during this time. I wonder if exhaustion of the process is the reason? The reality is glaring, you cannot count on a positive and you can almost taste the negative. The best part about it is the fact that we are actually having this opportunity. Two years ago our life was a mess having just lost our baby girl at 20 weeks. Today we have hope that having a family is a reality with slim chances, but better than no chance. So yes, we are thankful for this TWW.

Mar 18, 2010

The other people

Reading Johnny and Darrens blog brought me to a big thought. We, all of us surrogacy parents are part of our own secret tribe. Those who are blessed to have children the ole fashioned way are not in our club. They will never understand our desires, nor appreciate all we go through to fill them. They will never carry the same debt that we do to have children. They will never get how we yearn to spend a night awake with a crying baby and not complain, whine and bitch about how difficult it is. Even if the other people support us, can they truely understand us? I think not. I am not trying to piss anyone off, it's just difficult for me to hear that people make the comments they do, as if we surrogacy parents have no idea what we are in for when we finally have a baby. They assume we will not be able to handle it and assume we will need extra help as they are alot of work as Rhonda was so blatently told. Why is this?? Why can't the other people understand us? For the other people who support us, we do truely love you for it. Jon of Bonjour Parenthood comments about losing friends and gaining friends, and Edward was asked if this was on purpose and who's baby is it! Ugh...I just wonder what is wrong with people, especially those close to us who really understand our struggles.
Ok, my rant is over. Onto bigger and better things - our TWW!!

Mar 15, 2010

Tuesday March 16, 2010

We will have our transfer today. We have confirmation from Dr. Sudhir. So, somewhere around Easter weekend we will have try number two results. The TWW is on, officially, again.

Mar 9, 2010

Safe and sound

We have heard from Dr S that our embryos arrived safely. What a relief. We know what happened to us last July was a one in a million chance but it haunts us! Thanks all for your ongoing support. Transfer date will be sometime next week if all goes well and we hope by early April to have some good news.
On the baby making front, as I sit here having my coffee I look out the large patio door to my back yard and its a squirrel baby making factory out there! The mating habits seem some what abusive but in the end he gets the job done! We live at the tip of a marsh and the wild animal activity around us is amazing! The fence that lines our back yard is like a highway...it is 1.5 inch think wood and it acts as a pathway to opportunity (I think). The most agile are the squirrels and they run atop the fence at record speed. Below them the rabbits and red squirrels play in the garden, looking for the snacks they buried last fall. It a soothing view during the chaos of life. Our cats seem to really enjoy the view as well, and soon, they will be playing out there as well.

Mar 8, 2010

No need to track the precious shipment

It has arrived!! In record time as we shipped on Friday and it arrived Monday at 4pm. I am just waiting to hear from SI that the contents are ok, safe and ready to roll. Anyone looking to ship embryos, sperm , hearts or lungs should definitely contact Greg at Core Cryolab. I can facilitate contact for you if needed. Greg's core business is stem cell storage, but is amazing at moving precious cargo around the world.
Next update will be about our embies and the state they arrived in. TBC

Mar 2, 2010

Cue the scary music

Working on the logistics of shipping our precious cargo brings back terrifying memories. We have five good embryos here and they will depart Canada this week and make the long trip to Lilavati. As I work on this I hear the scary music fill my head...the suspense, the cliff hanger. We have had one shipment go terribly wrong and one make it safe and sound. We are working with an amazing person at Core Cryolab and have full trust in his services. We know the chances of a shipment gone wrong again are minimal, but we would be foolish to not be nervous.
Looking ahead, our next transfer will happen in March as long as nothing goes wrong. We are fortunate to be working with doctors in India who understand us. Sure we are disappointed about the last time and getting a negative but this cannot hold us back from trying again as soon as possible. Now, lets just hope and pray we get a positive this time!! We are on our third surrogate and almost two years into it, so we have put in our time. Lets just get a positive and get rolling!
A few positives over the last week have made us smile. We continue to know this is possible and this gives us strength.
If this time does not bring us a positive I am back to cycling, needles, hormones..ugh. This is what it takes and I am a happy participant. I really hate pumping all these drugs into me but the cause out weighs the process. We should have enough of our donated meds to do one more cycle but I am really hoping that I can donate these meds onwards to some one in need. I know the people who gave us the meds would want to see them go to the right person if need be. So, we are fortunate to have the meds but are really hoping we do not need them!