Sep 18, 2010

Sigh of relief

AMH is 35.8 which falls into the strong ovarian reserve bucket!  Yahoo!  This at least lets us have one more try with my eggs, freshly transferred in India.   Dr Shivani is also pleased with the results.  We now need to consider when we can do this.  Our ultimate goal is to have a family, so our next path will lead to donors, but we need to try a fresh transfer once to be sure.

Sep 16, 2010

Still waiting (just a ramble)

Our latest TWW is still on (waiting for AMH test results).  In the meantime I am very busy with work and now a great chest infection.  I will be in London (England) in two weeks for work so I am happy that this infection in now and not then.  It is horrible to be sick and have to count on the comforts of a hotel room.  This is what I dread about doing a fresh cycle in India.  I typically cycle well, yet post retrieval am a mess.  So many births have happened in India and so many more to come.  I am looking forward to the next few months of arrivals as some of them have a real special place in my heart.  All of them are very special but a few births coming up are from people we had met in 2008 when we first started this "project". 
For now we just wait. So much depends on the AMH test results and until then we cannot really make any sort of plan.   The beauty of being part on the Indian Surrogacy community is just that, community.   Not a day goes by where we do not get an tidbit via blogs, skype, telephone call, forums or email. I have my morning routine where I make my coffee, sit down at the laptop and read email, forums and blogs.  It gives me an unusual strength.  Not only do I continue to get a sense of optimism, sometimes I get a reality check.  The business of ART and surrogacy is never a sure thing.  Heck, life is not a sure thing.

Sep 11, 2010

The Next Family

Gay, straight, adoptive, interracial, single and now surrogate.  There are many types of families to celebrate and admire and there is one website dedicated to this.   Diversity is acknowledged on this website and  I now have the blessed opportunity to be part of it as a volunteer guest writer.  I was recently contacted by the marketing director who had read our blog and many of your blogs.   Our story caught her attention and prompted her to contact us.  When going through surrogacy in India we are often not comfortable to have media follow us as it can feel exploitative and can be cut up in the editing room to portray our stories in an unfavourable light.  Fortunately, the next family dot com is a website that celebrates unique paths to parenthood and beyond and for that I am thrilled to be part of it.
Please look forward to my start to finish (whenever the finish may be) as documented beyond my blog on:  http://www.thenextfamily.com/

Sep 10, 2010

Waiting

Jojo made a comment about all the waiting and did that ever make me think.  Our life is on hold and we just wait.  We wait to travel to India, we wait for the beta, we wait to ship our embryos, we wait to hear from the doctors, we wait for our blood results, dammit, we just wait.  Quite frankly I am sick of waiting.  I am tired of living life on hold.  I  am waiting with all of you out there, for your tww results and for your births and also for your decided next steps as you trudge through this journey.  We should change the lingo in surrogacy world, so instead of IP's we become WP's (waiting parents).  
Sometimes when the mood is at its lowest, we wait for that woman in the parking lot with her new born to walk by, out of site out of mind.  We also wait to tell people that we are "working with a surrogate in India", we wait to announce our positive pregnancy and we ultimately wait until the final days and witness a live birth and finally, exhale that extended breathe that has caused chest pains and stress.  Oh, and then we wait for a dna test, we wait for a passport, we wait for ungodly amounts of time at the ffro office and we wait to get on a plane, homeward bound. 
So, why am I writing this?  Well, it would seem that some times our fortunate friends and family cannot imagine what we go through.  For them they get pregnant, wait for about nine months and tadaa..done.  Some of us in the surrogacy journey have been blessed with a very limited waiting period, and I really wish we were all in this boat.  
And finally, we wait for the line of credit bill to come every month, which reminds of us the financial wait.  We have a lifetime to pay this off, but sadly the urgency of parenthood over shadows this.

Sep 7, 2010

AMH test and trying to get back to..normal

Friday I had the requested AMH test.  Great...now I get to sit here and panic over my ovarian reserve and egg quality! As if this journey hasn't been stressful enough, I get to ponder the fact that the two years of bs and negatives could have run out my time and left me with dull and tired ovaries.  Baboo at the lab said the results take "a week or two" so my current version of the dreaded tww is on.
The other fun stuff is that it took 52 days for my cycle to renew itself.  Try having pms for over 30 days and see how you feel.  I think most of you reading this get it, so I need not say any more.  Finally, Aunt Flo came with fury and totally made my long weekend enjoyable (insert sarcastic tone).
I look around blog land and see so much excitement.  Fredrik and Robert  had a beautiful baby girl finally, and many other new friends are expecting in the very near future.  We also had a very personal and inspiring note from Dr Shivani that really helps us look to the future. Her timing was amazing as it was my last day of mourning my negative and hearing that I may have an embryo quality issue..whew..dodged a depression bullet.   For now, the doldrums of life go on.  Fall is in the air already and September brings a really busy month for me at work, including travel to London.  Our friends in Australia are looking forward to spring and all the new daddies have just celebrated Father's Day. I am a little disappointed that the Aussies have to have fathers day months after we do.  I cannot keep track of all of this!

Sep 1, 2010

What to do next...

Well, we are at a bit of a loss to know what to do next.  Fortunately, Dr Shivani gave us some stern medical advice and commentary on our situation.  She was able to explain the possible reasons we continue to get negatives which is hard to hear but finally we have some ideas/answers.   This week has been quite difficult, I guess mainly because we finally have some answers.  The future probably doesn't look great for us but only time will tell.  We have lost some of our optimism that we will succeed with a biological child.   For now, I need to get a test done as per Dr Shivani and see what these results tell us.  Hopefully there will be one more shot at a fresh transfer pending these results and if not, we will need to step back a while and regroup and consider donor options.
As always, thank you so much for all your kind words.  It is wonderful that you can all help us with text, and most of you have been thru this and continue to give us strength.  For those of your like Rebecca and Fiona my non-surrogacy gals...what can I say girls...I love you to death for your support.
I would love to hear from any one who has tried a fresh after frozen transfer with SCI (and had success), so please email me.  Our email address is on the sidebar.