Sep 10, 2010

Waiting

Jojo made a comment about all the waiting and did that ever make me think.  Our life is on hold and we just wait.  We wait to travel to India, we wait for the beta, we wait to ship our embryos, we wait to hear from the doctors, we wait for our blood results, dammit, we just wait.  Quite frankly I am sick of waiting.  I am tired of living life on hold.  I  am waiting with all of you out there, for your tww results and for your births and also for your decided next steps as you trudge through this journey.  We should change the lingo in surrogacy world, so instead of IP's we become WP's (waiting parents).  
Sometimes when the mood is at its lowest, we wait for that woman in the parking lot with her new born to walk by, out of site out of mind.  We also wait to tell people that we are "working with a surrogate in India", we wait to announce our positive pregnancy and we ultimately wait until the final days and witness a live birth and finally, exhale that extended breathe that has caused chest pains and stress.  Oh, and then we wait for a dna test, we wait for a passport, we wait for ungodly amounts of time at the ffro office and we wait to get on a plane, homeward bound. 
So, why am I writing this?  Well, it would seem that some times our fortunate friends and family cannot imagine what we go through.  For them they get pregnant, wait for about nine months and tadaa..done.  Some of us in the surrogacy journey have been blessed with a very limited waiting period, and I really wish we were all in this boat.  
And finally, we wait for the line of credit bill to come every month, which reminds of us the financial wait.  We have a lifetime to pay this off, but sadly the urgency of parenthood over shadows this.

15 comments:

  1. TRUE THAT!

    I always disliked the expression 'I can't wait...' The reality is it should be 'I don't want to wait...' Nobody WANTS to wait....

    The small concession, however, is that you do not have to wait alone when you put up your hand and share your story!

    We - the communal WE - are with you until you become parents and beyond!

    We are thinking good thoughts for you, as ever...

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  2. So so true. Sending you a huge hug. You know all of us are here for you; I hope you have people in your non-virtual world who know what you are going through and can be there with a hug too. Truly hoping your waiting ends soon.

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  3. “May the love hidden deep inside your heart find the love waiting in your dreams. May the laughter that you find in your tomorrow wipe away the pain you find in your yesterdays.”

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  4. Oh Kerrie, waiting SUCKS!! I dont know what sucks more the waiting or the negatives (toss up). But i know we wait together, we celebrate together and we communicate together. I have been in my moods as well (over analyzing everything) and at times i do feel like giving up but then i say to my self, i'm not a quiter and i dont wanna start now.

    So hun, WE'LL wait with you, no matter how long...no worries!

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  5. Kerrie and Mar,
    You know I pray for you daily. The one thing I NEVER pray for, however, is patience. I know you are plum out of that.
    You continue to be my heroes. I have learned so much from you. I wish so much there was something else I could do. Love and Hugs, GeGe

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  6. The waiting is awful, but as my husband reminds me, at least we're not waiting for a cure to a terminal illness. We're waiting for something wonderful and amazing to happen. I'm sure your blessings are too numerous to count. I don't mean to sound like a Pollyanna, I understand your lament. Hang in there. It will happen.

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  7. How beautifully put, Kerrie.

    Waiting is one of the hardest parts of this journey. It's so hard not to wish our lives away while we do it, but what else can we do it.

    I second Edward's comment. I'm waiting right alongside ya.

    xxx

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  8. So much of our lives are lost to waiting, but everything worth having is worth waiting for. Still, it doesn't make it any easier. I feel and am here for you. We all are.

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  9. i just want to say everything everyone has said before me. you have expressed exactly how i feel right now. having this community has been my saving grace. i can't tell you how much this means to me, all the love and support. i am so with you!

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  10. WOW..you said a mouthful! And so perfectly put! I do hope your wait isn't much longer.

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  11. Waiting is such a part of life. God grant me patience, but give it to NOW!

    Once you have your babe, and you will, you then wait for them to go to sleep, then you miss them, then wait for them to wake up, you wait for their first smile, you wait for them to make ooh and ahh sounds, and that's as far as we have gotten.

    waiting can be so unbearable at times. But you know the wait is worth it. Once you have your darling babe, you will still wait, but it won't hurt so much.

    Sending you so much love and big hugs. Your wait is coming to an end.

    xxx

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  12. I distinctly remember saying on our third transfer that I didn't want to know when it was scheduled and to just tell me after the event and when they knew it was a positive or a negative. Of course that didn't happen and we knew from day dot. I tell anyone considering surogacy to expect it to take at least three attempts and to ignore those lucky few who fall pregnant earlier as that's generally not the case. My heads up is so they're ready for it (or as ready as you can be) both emotionally and financially.

    I've often thought we should adopt the mentality of those doing international adoptions where you're told up front that you're not going to get a baby for xx years. With that said, a girl I work with is adopting from China and has been told it's going to be around a five year wait - so why on earth would you stay committed to a program like that when you can have a baby via surrogacy in much less time and for the same cost?!

    Absolutely agree with tjudle, we are all here for you.

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  13. ps - and how different are we from 'normal' parents who's only waiting is for the kids to get old enough to move out of home!!

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  14. This is so true! Well said and heartfelt. Our day will come too!! We just have to wait ;), I guess!!

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